What is normal?

Is it worth having expectations? I stand by the idea that having expectations, while, yes, can lead to disappointment when they are not fulfulled, but can lead to even better things by starting out on the right path. So I do have expectations. And I am open to the idea that I may be disappointed (and working on my response, thereby) but also open to the idea that by starting with a certain framework, I can build from it. So when someone breaks open my framework a little, I take pause, I think, hmm, is this normal? Is it strange that I feel strange? It is odd that what he is doing makes me feel odd? No, no and no. If the framework cracks a little, then it isn't right, for me. So I question it, I feel it out, I poke around. Say, "hey, Mr. Strangeguy, why are you doing that? What do you expect me to do now? I feel like I am not understanding you." And if the answer is amenable to my concerns, like, "Gee, I didn't realize, does this make you feel weird? Let's try it a different way", well, that's alright. But if the response is, "Hey, this is me, deal with it" then my framework cracks a little more and needs a lot more mending. On its own. Without Mr. Strangeguy. All this to say, sometimes the expectations of one person do not match with the expectations of another. And imagine, we even speak the same language.

Why do we do this to each other?

The world can be an ugly, ugly place. I just saw the movie Blood Diamond. I knew something about the diamond industry and how it has funded or endorsed horrible carnage and civil wars in certain parts of Africa, which I learned from Human Cargo, a CBC miniseries back in 2004. But seeing the images of the child soldiers was so wrenching. There are few things I can imagine are worse for the future of any nation or the world, than to not actually kill children but to render them senseless to violence, to pain and to humanity by virtue of forcibly turning them into soldiers. I cried a lot. Because it is not something that happened 100 years ago, and boo hoo, well, at least that's over. This something that is still happening TODAY. UNICEF has a bit of information about it. It makes me sick to think about it. It is hard to go about everyday, easy life when you know things like this are taking place - I guess it is my job to do what I can, in my own way. I guess I am not in equity studies for nothing, at least I hope not.

With all due respect to Postsecret...

This picture is from this very cool website Postsecret and it really speaks to me. I am a conflicted extrovert: I love to spend time alone AND with other people and sometimes, there is so much happiness in being alone, I just wish I could share it with someone else. But therein lies the connundrum, because once that alone time is shared, it is obviously no long alone. I think life is like that a lot. A catch-22, of sorts. We are most pure in our selves and we become tainted by the judgements we perceive from others, real or fabricated. Even positively. Postsecret changes late every Saturday night (EST) and I look forward to it each week. I may invest in the books.

Sometimes, when I am sleeping next to someone, I wish they wouldn't want to sleep because I want them to feel like I do, that if we are together, we shouldn't need to sleep. But then sometimes I am just really tired too. I want to find that person who wants to stay up all night with me, until the time that we both know that when we wake up in the morning, together, we will just keep the conversation going.

is life really too short or am i just not effecient enough?